Max Page, pre-pubescent minion

Hollywood, CA – In a clear violation of both Constitutional law and the Jedi code, the young actor in the recent Star Wars-themed Volkswagen commerical, 6-year-old Max Page, was recently apprehended for both reckless endangerment and unlicensed use of The Force. 
Page, a diminutive but respected alleged murderer, was taken into custody after using The Force to tear down power lines and toss them at passing cars. No one was injured, but reports are that Page, a known associate of both Jeffery Dahlmer and Darth Vader, held little to no regard for the lives of the passing drivers, even purportedly going on to say: “With great power comes a [expletive deleted] ton of fun!” The alleged expletive was “fuckload.”

“I’m sure he was just laughing,” said local resident and director of Child’s Play, Tom Holland. “I would even go so far as to call it maniacal laughter.”

Though not present during the actual incident, Holland claims to be an expert in both Child pyschology and “wicked motorcross.”

Page, a local California resident, was selected by Volkswagen to portray a young, overzealous Star Wars fan in the recent Passat campaign that aired during the Superbowl. He was carefully selected
from seven people the company picked at random from Facebook.

Though it would seem that a 6-year-old wouldn’t be the immediate choice with which to endow a supernatural power that allows the endowed to strangle dissidents, read minds and levitate objects at will, he differentiated himself from the other candidates by lacking a criminal record as a pedophile. And based on the damage he caused, it seems Page is extremely well-endowed.

Though the accused has been taken into custody, it will be hard to make a case, especially given that Page claims to have hired “the Scooby-Doo gang, and Scrappy too!” as his legal counsel. Given the nature of the infraction and the firm’s investigative track record, there is little doubt that they will certainly be able to separate fact from fiction.

While Page remains in police custody awaiting a hearing, Mr. Holland could only comment, albeit abstractly, on the history of children and horror.

“When a boy… gets… involved with the… supernatural, it’s only …a matter…. of……. time before he starts bringing… his nightmares to life,” shouted Mr. Holland through a voice synthesizer, “And when those nightmares come to life… you get things like this incident, or that time I directed Child’s Play now on Blu-ray and DVD.”

Arnold Borneo Whetstone, Hollywood Field Analyst

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