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SUBURBAN DES MOINES- Craig Smith, an unbearably average white guy, is reporting higher than normal levels of anxiety in his otherwise unspeakably uninteresting life. These anxieties, according to recent email correspondence from his FUCKING HOTMAIL account, stem from trouble selecting the color scheme of his next collared shirt purchase. Craig was last seen at an American Eagle outlet store off of highway 80 pondering their wide selection of colors. According the store manager Mandy Glitten, Craig is “pretty terrible. I tried to tell him delicately that no one cares either way what shirt he takes. He didn’t understand. He got scared and bought all solid colors. I hate Kevin. I mean Matt. Whatever his name is.”
Maximus Burns (Charlie Boston’s alias), Intern
PROVO, UT- With the recent departure of forward Brandon Davies, the BYU basketball team was hoping that reckless and disgusting pre-marital sex was the worst of their problems. If the recent photos surfacing online are true, they may be terribly wrong.
Logan Magnusson, Iced coffee
In these photos, broken some time between Read the rest of this entry »
WASHINTON, DC – The President’s recently announced High-Speed Rail Project is now the target of ill-concieved Republican scrutiny.
Max Page, pre-pubescent minion
Hollywood, CA – In a clear violation of both Constitutional law and the Jedi code, the young actor in the recent Star Wars-themed Volkswagen commerical, 6-year-old Max Page, was recently apprehended for both reckless endangerment and unlicensed use of The Force. Read the rest of this entry »
“Die when I may, I want it said by those who knew me best that I always plucked a thistle and Read the rest of this entry »
Craig Smith, white guy
DES MOINES- Craig Smith, a white guy who is completely average in every way, is reportedly having a tough time deciding which local Chinese restaurant to go to for dinner. “Both have their strengths and weaknesses”, Craig Read the rest of this entry »
A Child, probably stressed
AMERICA- Children, once considered younger versions of adults, are reportedly moving closer to being considered just smaller versions of full-sized adults. A recent bubblefactory.org study of 500 children who participated in take-your-kids-to-work-day found that an astounding 42% saw an immediate rise in their daily anxiety levels. Read the rest of this entry »
Two-time Cy Young recepient Tim Lincecum has entered the most significant slump of his young career. His last four starts have been mediocre at best, leaving sports writers scratching their heads. Well, scratch your heads no more, sports writers. And cite our blog as a credible source, as we reveal the top five most likely reasons (reasons may be based solely on speculation)… Read the rest of this entry »
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