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Imagine you are a kid in a kindergarten.
You’ve got nice clothes. New Sneakers. Lots of friends.
Imagine that you get A+’s consistently.
And imagine that your parents give you a quarter for every A. Read the rest of this entry »
Hello, Steven
OMAHA- Citing a combination of boredom and an interest in the study of classical conditioning, the Conagra Intern Coordinator, Jim Kaponski, recently released a report (again) validating Pavlov’s theory. Bubblefactory.org staff was able to gain exclusive rights to his meticulous journal records. Over the course of 2 months, Jim conducted a series of secret tests on an unsuspecting intern. The intern was given a typical working environment and the usual menial intern tasks to fulfill. The following unedited notes chart the daily progress of Jim’s summer research: Read the rest of this entry »
“I’ve always loved the Greeks and new that they valued my work.” Montag said outside of Soria92, a trendy martini bar in Santa Monica.
Greek government officials were quick to point out that the required tax is based on the difference between cost of goods sold and retail price, and is in no way a measure of the actual value the album adds to society. They also wanted their creditors to know that this is how serious they are about reducing national debt.
To date, 7 albums have been sold nationwide. 3 were later returned unopened.
CHICAGO- The embattled Chicago Bulls, recently bounced from the playoffs by Cleveland, have entered summer with a great deal of uncertainty about their future. Rumors have swirled about the impending departure of Head Coach Vinny Del Negro, who’s unsteady reign at the helm has been marked by coaching blunders and inconsistent player performance.
However, recent developments are changing the way critics are evaluating the season. It seems that the organizational tensions are not rooted in the wins and losses, but rather, an unfortunate misinterpretation of the word ‘Coach’. Read the rest of this entry »
John Murphy, Nobel Laureate and contemporary pioneer of economic theory, died Sunday surrounded by his family in Aurora, Illinois. His untimely death was confirmed by his wife, Ruth. Read the rest of this entry »
Get up, Sammy
OMAHA- Sam Clemens, a dude with a terrible, terrible hangover, honestly thinks he’s going to die. After several rounds of chuckling and finger pointing the following morning, witnesses weighed in on the possible causes of his current state of distress. Read the rest of this entry »
AMERICA- Once popular airline pilot, Chelsey “Sully” Sullenberger, is under intense scrutiny by the F.A.A after his fourth “emergency” water landing this calendar year. What started as a brave act of heroism has now become an all-to-familiar method of landing for the pilot. Read the rest of this entry »
Tim Jacobs, Offensive Lineman Indeed
CLEVELAND- Tim Jacobs, 32 year old right tackle for the Cleveland Browns, made headlines recently with news of an alleged sexual encounter. The encounter, reported first by bubblefactory.org, took place some time between 11pm-1am this past saturday night. Read the rest of this entry »
Obama: Pray for Omaha
NEBRASKA- Omaha, long considered the “youngest Jonas Brother” of the midwest, has deteriorated into tragic a state of emergency. What started as playful negligence of road maintenance took a turn for the worse in recent Read the rest of this entry »
Pictured: Life Alert Safety Necklace, Woman that has existed many years
It was Thursday.
No, it was Friday.
Actually is was right about midnight, wedged awkwardly between the two days. These details aren’t important. What is important, is that I was on a mission to take a shower. Read the rest of this entry »
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