Metro Community College Cuts the Bullsh*t: We’ve got a degree for you, neighborhood drug dealer

Moments in [Poop]story

“Die when I may, I want it said by those who knew me best that I always plucked a thistle and

Report: Rise in Childhood Anxiety Linked to Take-Your-Kid-to-Work-Day

A Child, probably stressed

AMERICA- Children, once considered younger versions of adults, are reportedly moving closer to being considered just smaller versions of full-sized adults. A recent bubblefactory.org study of 500 children who participated in take-your-kids-to-work-day found that an astounding 42% saw an immediate rise in their daily anxiety levels.

CONAGRA: Intern Hired to Validate Pavlov’s Theory

Hello, Steven

OMAHA- Citing a combination of boredom and an interest in the study of classical conditioning, the Conagra Intern Coordinator, Jim Kaponski, recently released a report (again) validating Pavlov’s theory. Bubblefactory.org staff was able to gain exclusive rights to his meticulous journal records. Over the course of 2 months, Jim conducted a series of secret tests on an unsuspecting intern. The intern was given a typical working environment and the usual menial intern tasks to fulfill. The following unedited notes chart the daily progress of Jim’s summer research:

Report: Babies Deemed Most “Un-green” by U.N. Climate Panel

"Recycling is for hippies..."

LONDON – The United Nations Climate Panel recently released their “Un-green” list, a compiled report of those activities and items deemed most damaging to the environment, naming “Babies” the number one threat to ecological homeostasis. Babies, which make up roughly ten percent of the world population, have come under fire in recent months since the release of a U.N.-backed study claiming the environmental impact of a single baby is comparable to “a shi**ing cow sitting in a continuously running ‘Hummer’ powered by coal and styrofoam, playing ”Rockstar“ by Nickelback…times 50.”

Heidi Montag Flattered by Value-Added Tax Placed on Her Latest Album in Greece

“I’ve always loved the Greeks and new that they valued my work.” Montag said outside of Soria92, a trendy martini bar in Santa Monica.

Greek government officials were quick to point out that the required tax is based on the difference between cost of goods sold and retail price, and is in no way a measure of the actual value the album adds to society.  They also wanted their creditors to know that this is how serious they are about reducing national debt.

To date, 7 albums have been sold nationwide. 3 were later returned unopened.

US Airways pilot Chesley B. Sullenberger Questioned by FAA After Fourth Emergency Water Landing This Year

AMERICA- Once popular airline pilot, Chelsey “Sully” Sullenberger, is under intense scrutiny by the F.A.A after his fourth “emergency” water landing this calendar year. What started as a brave act of heroism has now become an all-to-familiar method of landing for the pilot.

Report: Omaha Declares Pothole State of Emergency

Obama: Pray for Omaha

NEBRASKA- Omaha, long considered the “youngest Jonas Brother” of the midwest, has deteriorated into tragic a state of emergency. What started as playful negligence of road maintenance took a turn for the worse in recent

Report: Alleged Marijuana, Hacky Sack Use At UCSC Strike

"Soooo....who brought the rolling papers?"

SANTA CRUZ, CA – What began as a peaceful protest at the base of University of California – Santa Cruz early this morning has escalated to a drug-fueled, “hippyfest” that some who live near the school are calling “customary” and “anticipated”.

Report: New bin Laden tape claims responsibility for “Snooki”

(CNN) – A new audio tape allegedly from al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden claims responsibility for the most dramatic terrorist attack to date. If authentic, the video outlines a successful plot to infiltrate the American staple- and high culture news network- MTV.